Atleast I Tried

It's easy to be a victim and to feel bad for yourself. It's harder to remember that bad shit happens and it will happen again. And, most likely it will happen again after that. The foolish thing to do is to take your first hand emotions out on other people. Why? because everything is settling. It's settling in your brain and just all around you. Sometimes you have to wait for the fog to settle. 

And, I'm just kind of going numb to my life right now. I've had a hell of a day but I've had worst. I've been talked to disrespectfully but I've been treated worst. And, I don't necessarily want to focus this post on the negatives of today or yesterday (depending on what time zone your in). If anything I want to focus on the bigger picture. 

I've said it time and time again (in my other blog) but after a while it starts to feel like every one is just trying to get a reaction out of. They want you to unleash a beast. And, I'll tell you a secret, there is a beast inside of me. My life in the game of life, I know is different. The people are different. The rules are different but most importantly what's different is the history is different. 

I can't treat someone or handle someone the same way, the I treat someone else that I know. Especially when most people who I have the biggest beefs with in my life, have never spent more than a minute trying to get to know. And, as much as most people don't like the way I am. I've said it before like a million times in my other blog but I want to change. 

I want to build loving, friendly and reliable relationship with new people in my life. You can't even talk about the past let alone fix it. And, the more that others or new people stay in the opposition of my past, I will be right there with them. The same person and maybe less. 

You can't be the cause and the cure in someone else's life. And, often times I wish that my friends could come together. Not because I want something bad to happen but because all of the people that I call friend have so much to offer each other. Like Oprah says, "I think life is better when we share".

When we can't communicate with people, we cut our own selves. The person that your cutting off, shutting down and sending to a death camp, might have been in your shoes or knows something you don't. Maybe that person could help you. And, at the very least it would be nice to not be the middle man in my life for once. 

In a way, I've seen people come together. Maybe not in a way that I would have liked. It sucks to carry the weight that people you have loved, trusted or have your body to have decided to not give a fuck about you equally. And, it sucks to be the guy that others are capitalizing on. It's an outrageous burden to carry. Maybe you would be crazy and stupid too. 

Now I know I might have said some things that offends or frustrated some. But, maybe this time you could let it go. Maybe this time you will see that my truth is a gift to you as much as my kisses and hugs are. I know me saying that won't heal all wounds and what I'm about to say might make it worse but sometimes I wish people would treat me right so I wouldn't accidentally step on them while living my life. It sucks balls to tip toe through life. Well I'm exhausted now! And I'm sure tomorrow won't be a piece of cake either. But, God I've gotta keep going even when I know I might fall, be tricked or fail. Trying is all that matters in my life now. Atleast I tried!