The Third Option

Well, I’m home from Europe and it hasn’t even reached the 24hr mark. And, I’m starting to remember the thing that I dread about coming home. It’s definitely not that I hate my Mom, Aunt and Brother. That is most definitely not the case! If there is anything that I hate it’s just that I have had this life changing experience. I’ve had this journey and taken time to evaluate my life. Time to think about what kind of man that I want to be. Time to think about what I have done wrong in my life and what I could have maybe done differently (if I would have known better).

So when you come home, almost everyone is the same as when you left them. Still thinking the same way and still doing things the same way. And, the people around you can’t really relate. They didn’t have the same or a comparable experience. Also if they are satisfied with life as they know it then they will have no interest in change or living a life new. This also means that there may not be an interest in having a new me. Staying the same would make me easier to manipulate. The funny thing is, what if the change didn’t require you to manipulate…..what if all you had to do was operate; to function. 

But, life is the evolving journey. Your suppose to change and grow. Yet I’ve found that you meet two kinds of people in this life. This first person likes you small and under their thumb. The second person complains that your too little. You never or at least I never meet the third option…The person who says “You are fine just the way that you are”. You are perfect and special, just the way that you are and you can only get better. Life doesn’t manufacture you to certain level of fucked up ness. You can’t go to an adoption agency and say, “I want to adopt a kid, doesn’t matter if he is special needs”. Then get the kid and say, “He is a little too special needs for me”. We are who we are! 

I’m afraid of entering the same frame of mind I had before I left on my journey. I’m scared of becoming a little more self defeating and having self defeating advice/people in my life. Like I’ve said before, “People will try their best to capitalize on you; on your defeats as well as your successes. They won’t always see it that way because they won’t always see or think of you as a person or someone who has goals and dreams for their life. 

Not sure if and when I will go back to Europe but I have several places I would like to see. I’ve got my fingers crossed for enlightenment and for some more fun along the way. Fingers crossed! Will see how it goes.