If you knew me, you would know that I get a long with any and every body. You just have to be cool. And, beyond being cool, just be interested and straight forward. No need for complications because “Hey, I want to have a good time”. But, even with this type of attitude, you still can’t be friends with everybody. And, sometimes its so bad that there are certain places that you cant even go.
Now I have talked about this situation several times over in the past. If you like, you can check out this old blog post so you can kind of be up to date. Anyway, Franz and I have had a complicated past. And, its been mostly complicated due to communication errors. He did me the courtesy of treating me like an adult when I was really just going through some thing and being an idiot. So I didn’t know how to receive him and he didn’t know that.
Even though his roots were abroad, he was definitely an angeleno by the time I met him. So he felt kind of harsh in that way that L.A. people can be harsh. But, even still I liked him. We got along well; we enjoyed each others company. But, there was/is still something else that kind of got in the way of our relationship. I’ve chalked it up to his connect to my roots; our past experiences, his connection to my old neighborhood and maybe some emotions.
Things are better between us now that he moved back to Austria. But, Its not often that I think of him much these days. Sometimes I make an effort. But, when it hurts to be someone else’s friend, its hard to be friendly. Furthermore, When someone else has the upper hand of your relationship (read that again to make you catch that), sometimes they can only see what ails them but not what hurts you. Unfortunately, I’d run into this same problem with my friend Curtis but a little in reverse.
In the beginning, it was nothing but sex, real friendship, and really good food. In the last six or so years, he made the only food that didn't make me sick afterwards or at least feel sick. He made me feel good inside and out. He was someone I could talk to, he was someone who was interested in my future, encouraged and helped me stay out of trouble. And, I am forever thankful and grateful to him for that time.
But, somewhere between the end of 2011 and 2012, something changed in him and in his life. The last really good time I had with him when I didn't have this sinking feeling was just before I introduced him to my ex best friend. Slowly over time, he transformed….he stopped giving me that old friendly feeling. He felt suffocating and it hurt to be his friend. There were still good moments but I wanted to let him go. So I wrote him a card and did just that. It was getting worse and I was comfortable with the direction things were going.
With all the bad luck that I have had with lovers and friends, I’m pretty superstitious and maybe even a little bit too suspicious. If you don't believe me, here are a few of mines. Avoid certain numbers, Avoid Asian people, places and things (Im not racist but 95% of the time its gonna be a bad experience), Avoid certain countries namely France (fashion capital of the world), Brazil, Switzerland, Netherlands, Australia and Austria, people from those countries act like I have the plague or like I am Witch in the Salem Witch Hunt. And, I usually avoid being friends with people named or the variation of the name Chris, Carlos, Janette, Jackie, Scott and more but I know thats crazy. I’m trying to break out of the name habit. You never know how is going to in to your life. As far as it goes, I just made friends with a couple Chris' and I don’t plan on not being their friends as long as they want to be mines. These are just a few of the superstitions and the connections run deep.
I know that living my life this way is not easy or going to be easy. Its not good to not be able to talk to people especially different people or people you don’t like. Well the truth is I don’t particularly have the patience to deal with them anymore. If anything I just expect the ax to drop every time; I don’t expect them to be able to just be cool anymore. And, I’ve tried for many years to get things to level out but I guess you cant force things. The only real way that I can show them that I cared or appreciate them is to just leave them alone.
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