Sunscreen

Even with all the bad things that have happened in and around my life. I think one of the most important things to recognize is that what something means to you, doesn't mean the same thing to someone else. Who you find comfort in or whatever is supporting you, is not necessarily supporting me and vice versa. I've had several friends that had other friends and forces in their life that were devastating to me but everything to them. 

And, you can't be the kind of person that tries to break people apart something between others. You'll look like the bad guy. Furthermore, if you try to enlighten someone as to what their relationship with that other entity means to you. Then you'll most likely look jealous. Is there really a nice way to say, “Hey, your relationship (that’s bringing you so much joy) is making me miserable and putting a wedge between us”. You cant say that your friend or family member doesn't care about you simply because he or she made this choice. In a lot of case, by choosing this other person they are choosing themselves over you. And, most of us would choose ourselves our anyone else.

This is something that I have battled with for a while. And, there is not much that I can do. While my family and old friends, see sunshine and rainbows. All that I see behind that screen is smoke and brimstone. Yet it must be said that these people could be the nicest people in the world but its the relationship or attitude that given to me is what is troublesome. And, how do you make peace with hell or what you see as hell. What do you do? You can leave your friends but you can’t divorce your family. You cant run away, or at least I can’t, from your problems. So you just learn to live with certain things not because you want to or you have to but because you really have no other choice. 

There are so many times and methods that I have used to try to get away. Not because I hate my family but because I think its the best way to preserve our relationship and for me to grow up a little. They can have their sunshine and I could find my own. But, as you guys can see, I have been unsuccessful. And, this loosing battle has raised me up a little. But, the more mistakes that I make these days, the more that I see that I have a lot more growing up to do. Yet after years and years of fighting, if it was all done and over this morning, I would see want to just sit somewhere for like a month or two. But, life doesn't work like that…..it just keeps going on and on.