Yesterday was a pretty good day and not because my new rollerblades arrived. If anything it was a good day because I realized that I might be wrong about a certain person or persons. Maybe their not all bad! Like I said in a previous blog post, “Were all capable of many things”. So as much as we have the capacity to do good we also have the same capacity to do bad. Do you guys agree?
After this happened, I’d come to this realization based on some information that was told to me long ago that I think might be true now. Atleast I could see that it might be true now. But, it still doesn’t explain one major thing that this group did. And, I can admit it, I’ve been a little awful! A bit of a monster. In my defense, I’ve been going crazy with all the plans that I had going on at the time plus the rumor mill was working overtime. So I wonder if what they did was in retaliation or because they were misguided or what the deal is!
Part of me hopes and wishes that a spark of love for my homeland can be ignited again. Yet at the same time I know I have to stay realistic. Yes! realistic! Sometimes being too positive will lead to expectations and expectations can lead to hurt feelings. And, I cant afraid to have hurt feelings right now. The reality is things could go bad or make a sharp turn at any moment. The good times, fair times, my time, my turn or whatever you want to think to call them will be over and so will I. And, I could be right back where I started or worse.
So we have to live and lead bold yet right lives….I’ve got to prove so many people wrong and show not them but myself better.
So I am trying to remain thankful for the opportunities and small changes that come way. I want to get on with my life and I know that I might be able to just do that. But, I also know that the longer that I stay in the city, the more I will have to tip toe in my life. I’ll have to tip toe with my family about my friends and my lover(s). I’ll have to tip toe around old friends and associates. I’ll even have to tip toe when it comes to locations I go to around town. Thats not fun nor is it safe for me and other people.
Its kind of overwhelming when I think about it. There is no expectations but my feelings are hurt. I’m not sure what I am going to do about that or even the whole friendship situation. I’m just hoping that this is the beginning of something good! But at the same time I’ve got admit I miss my anonymity. I miss having my one guy, a circle of good friends and just a few extras. Whatever the case, we will carry on.
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