The Fairytale

Today I was trolling around online and met the nicest man. Slightly older and the kind of body that makes me want to take up surfing. But, the great thing about him was that he knows how to classically flirt; lots of banter, symbolism and things like that. That's what I like! 

And, he implied that he was a bad boy. Then we some how managed to get on the topic of what I wanted. And, I said, "Just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and even Sleeping With The Enemy, I want the fairytale". And, he said, "Don't we all". 

My pesimmistic self some how got into this monologue about love and relationships with older men. I can't remember what I said word for word but the jest of it was that....The trouble with dating older men is that they can sometimes see the relationship as a business or as something else besides love or the forming of a family (between us). And, I don't want to make a political statement for the world or do anything like that.

Real love liberates.....it is not selfish or self seeking. I want to get lost in the world with someone. I want to travel and see the world. I want to have fun. I want to laugh and educate each other. I want to make my own family and life with someone. I don't want to feel like I am apart of some organization. 

Right now, I feel like a slave. And, I tried my hardest to go along with men like I described. But, it made me feel so uncomfortable. I didn't want to turn one master in for a bigger one. I didn't want what's left of my life and my friends to disappear. And, I most certainly didn't want all that I have to be owed to someone else or even be like my new life. As much as I want things to change, I'd rather grow versus suffer forced change. 

Now I'm not saying guys like that are bad. They just might be perfect for someone else but I know myself well enough to know that it wouldn't work for me. I'm not done with older men but I'm certainly more aware and selective in my choice. 

The fairytale is not being Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, or even The Little Mermaid. The fairytale is when we meet someone and the attraction/chemistry is so strong that it's like the light gets turned on inside of you. The fairytale is not just or even a situation. The fairytale is the works you do for each other. The fairytale is a state of being. I need my being in the state!!!!!!!!!!!!