Okay so here goes the occurrence.....
Occurrence:
Sometimes I would just rather not deal with emotions, people and thoughts. All because it's very unclear; something's are open to interpretation. And, there is going to be several people telling all kinds of things; nasty things, seemingly true things and just outright lies. But, whose right! My name is so tangled up with madness; if I walk out of line then I am evil or stupid. And, if you tango with good people; the bad guy looks like he was up to something bad. And, I will lose it especially now that I have done this long run without medication, I just don't want to do to much because then the minute your flowing someone says he needs to go down. In reality, my temper is very short. I will snap if pushed to far. So it's better to sometimes stop while your ahead. And that's all I have to say. Something's are kind of obvious like the fact that I'm a tall guy and kind of clumsy.
Okay so there you go....an issue that I'm dealing with today. Today I've given everything my all; being kind when I really could have naturally been bitchy, inviting people in my life ( that I normally would avoid), building bridges, giving advice, helping family and so much more. But, still sometimes and most times, me giving my best mines the worse for someone else. For example and hypothetically, if a family member of mines gets into with a friend of mines who I am on good terms with, I'm not chosen sides especially on something that I didn't even start. So no matter what, I get hurt over something that I didn't start. I don't even get the pleasure of being bad or wrong. So my life stops....
In other situations, If I am wronged.....where is my justice because I am the bad kid. But, on the other hand people don't recognize the message that they are sending out. Yeah, you think your sending out the message that your a bad ass and your in control. But, I challenge all the people in my life to first think about the world we live in....people know. People find out what your doing and they know your motivations. Secondly, think about me....not about my feelings but what you think of me and what the general consensus is. To put it plainly and kindly, most folks think I could use help mentally, developmentally and physically. And, in your bad assdom you must think the same because your superior or at least acting that way. So first think to yourself, "do I know?, did I know? and do I know who your really messing with!". You could be blocking my blessing, a blessing coming your way and maybe even for everyone in general. So you look like your messing with a developmentally challenge person. You look like an animal! And, I feel like underneath all the love and fluff you have for me, I am less than gum underneath your shoe.
So this is my life.....this is my world. Can I blame people for being reactionary and obnoxious? Nah, I can't and I don't. And if I do I usually don't say anything because whether they are right or wrong, if they feel threatened then they are going to react. No I'm not saying I forgive because sorry is not enough for you showing your ass and how you really feel or think. But, as much as you have taken more hours and days from my life....I'm the one whose really got to let it go. My developmentally challenged butt has to live for another day; I've got to move on and live.
Lastly, I'm sorry if the karma is bad. I'm sorry if it's not the end. I'm sorry if you don't understand. I'm sorry if you got scared. But, next time.....leave me out of it or just leave me alone. But, then again I am the bad guy; so no matter what I do.....whether I am right or wrong....I'm the bad guy.
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