Coping With It

I've tried my hardest to be accepting of certain people, places and things. But, I'm not perfect...I'm just human. When I know something is wrong or I can just feel that something is wrong, I just naturally turn away. But, I recognize that it's important to maintain relationships with people. If not to be friends, to just a least understand and maintain lines of communication. The last time I had this opportunity, I failed and I had to let the relationship go. 

On my vacation in 2013, everything was failing. So I was kicked out of where I was staying and my money was extremely tight. And, I was looking forward to staying in Belgium. It was my 27th birthday and being with my best buds was going to be amazing. So after waiting and getting turned around at the airport; I finally meet my friend and we head to his and his room mates home. However when I get there, I'm greeted by another American. 

He was everything I tend to dislike about my African American roots. And, he worked in fashion and television. So that made him even more of a character. He was everything I wanted to be away from while on vacation. I just wanted to be in the countryside and have fun. But I got this feeling of competition like he wanted to make me a fool and like he wanted to assert ownership over my friends. And, my friends don't know me that way. We never fight or have problems; it's always a good time. 

My friend who picked me up at the airport knew something was wrong with me. He pulled me over to the side and had a conversation with me. And, I calmed down; I had to remember what a father figure in my life would say at that moment. The next few days were a test; he stayed almost the whole time I was there. But, the blessing in all of it was that we kind of got to see inside of each other. I could see that he was just another black kid from the ghetto trying to defy the odds; just like me and just like Omar. The only difference between me and them is that they were on the "winning side" of life. 

He was sweet when he could be even though I discovered that I was not the only one who disliked him. But, the difference between me and him is that, he lived abroad. He didn't have to go back home to Georgia like I did to California. He was more involved with their lives! And, I just couldn't understand how my friends could keep someone in their lives who was basically the cause and cure of so much controversy. And, how could they not see me. I mean....Forget me! Yeah, I am not a bed roses when it comes to controversy. But, I just don't understand how they couldn't see it or what! I wanted to communicate my thoughts and feelings to them. I wanted them to do something. These guys were more than my friends, they are my heroes. 

But, in the end....you can't fight a hurricane. It's better to be beside someone then against them. And, I watched my friends change and becom more like him. I watched them believe him and I felt further away from them than I already did. And, I tried to stay in my place and just go with it. But, I couldn't do it. It's hard to maintain a relationship with them especially since my family seems to hate or distrust them with a passion. I don't know what it is but it's something about them that just rubs my Mom and Aunt the wrong way. They come up in arms over them and they have never even met them. Belgium just sets people off on alert for some reason. Keep in mind that these are some of the most non confrontational people in the world. They look down on things that are offensive and distasteful. They would sooner chat with you than fight you.