Flow

For as much as I know about friends, people or situations, I have to and others have to face the fact that there is so much that we don’t know. Especially in my life where there is no real dialogue. And, I sit back and I watch things develop or happen… So many people are doing things with out clear understanding. We live and swear by other peoples actions and not their words. Partially because we live in a world where we have to be so precise about everything.

You can’t and you won’t understand why this person or that person rejected you or said something ugly. It could have less to do with you and more to do with them. And, as a person whose “real” friend list is shrinking everyday, I can’t really afford to make enemies. There is waaaaaay too many people who think ill of me. And, its not even that some people think ill of me but they are damn sure working against me or at least treading that fine line between friend and enemy. 

And, thats taught me a lot about people and life. I think people especially Americans want to be apart of a big popular winning team. Few people hardly say, “Well I want to be with the losing side”. And, I worry that  a big majority people in my life are doing what they are doing and are being what they are to me simply because they are on the winning side. Its rare that you meet people with strong moral convict (that arent fanatical) and people that will suffer or work for something simply because it is the right thing to do. 

I hate thinking in these terms because life is not a competition. The more you compete, you miss out on the blessing of life around you. You start to think about people all the time and not in the way that you should. You don’t have thoughts like, “How can I help my brother” or your sister or friend. You don’t think in terms of…What can I do for other people or to better myself. Your always thinking about how can I defend myself or how can I be better or beat this person. 

It would be nice to go out on a date or make new friends without having to worry or feel like I need a complete background check before I can say yes. Even though meeting new people should be the last thing on my mind. It would be nice to have someone for just activities versus just sex or something wild. So will see how it goes but I think I will be highly unsuccessful. But, thats life, you just gotta go with the flow some times.