You can feel it in the air and you can even see it around you. Things are changing! They say that change is good but I often wonder about this. It feels like a set up to say, that the worst is behind me or us. But, I can still feel a massive weight trailing behind. And, if anything I wouldn't think that certain things are over because like I stated in earlier posts; everyone is looking for some scandalous information or a way to paralyze things. Something to pump up things or something like that. I’m scared but I’m prepared as best as I can be for the worst. But, I'm not just scared for myself but for other people.
So I look at the people AROUND me and wonder what were becoming. And, what we will become in the name of the things that we do. For all the things that me and my loved ones or friends are called I only see those attributes in the name callers. It’s like the bible says, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone”. And, I can’t think of anyone whose without sin especially the guys who have condemn me but surely had sex with me or sent me naked photos. Sometimes I want ask some of these guys, so did you have sex with me because you liked me or because you had an agenda. If there was an agenda, that doesn’t look so good if were trying to be all by the book and righteous. You can sleep with me but you can’t be a real friend.
Speaking of church, there is something that I see in church people that I see in business people. Now you might not understand this dialogue unless you go to church. But, They always bend things to fit their purposes. Like a church person will say that, “God told me to do this” or something like “the bible said that if I just do this in his name, I will be protected and provided for”. But, it always kind of baffles me that God would say or ask you to do something that goes against everything he claims to be. God is love, truth, respect, kindness, giving and much more. So how can you be so holy or doing the right thing when what your doing doesn't align with those virtues.
If anything I just wish the things that people think they were doing, they were actually doing.
I just wish that the people around me were feeding positivity and good works versus trying to be like witch hunters. Under different circumstances, they know that the things they do are not exactly politically correct but they do it anyway. And, when the tables turn or seasons change, they do not see that they have feed the fear or the caution that they live with. And, if we could all just let each other live and keep things positive. If we could just move in any direction and if control wasn’t such an important thing. I just don’t we've ever seen a friend or family member of mine every try to stop a good thing; thats partially because they never happen. And, if they did try and stop a good thing then they didn't know it was a good thing but anyway.
Anyway, It’s this desire to achieve this goal that makes a change or the end impossible. Most people are just looking for the material things, promotions and justification that says I am the right and person while you are the wrong an bad person. It’s the win-lose scenario. But, no situation is perfect! No one can always be an angel. All I know is I never looked at the guys I slept with or the people I’ve done business with as horrible people until they did horrible things. Before I looked at most of them as people who contributed something to my life or some who gave me a chance when I needed one. Maybe I am wrong about the people I speak of but one thing is for sure, they could have gone about a lot of things in a much better way.
In the end, my life and the situations around my life are bad. And, the scars from this horrible design in my life has made me a little unsure, its made afraid to open up and its even made me paranoid from time to time. Recently I did something to hurt other people….I wasn't trying to, I didn’t mean to. And, I am afraid that I might have hurt one person in particular and Im sorry about it. If anything I was hurt person just trying to carry on. This life will make you crazy; just like when you love someone so much. It will make you lose people. It will make them forget you and vice versa. There is nothing to hold on to and nobody can really make it alone in this world. It’s great to have people to talk to and know that your loved but it’s just me here…..alone….going bad things with everyone I know and see. And, I try to support other people especially people who truly support me and believe in me. Sometimes I just really need someone to be here with me. Not someone who I have to second guess drastically like a lot of people around me. I love myself but like I said nobody can truly make it on their own. Acting crazy or weak can sometimes make you lose the people who you care about. And, your crazy because you don't want to lose the love and friendship you. You don't want to be less or not enough. Next to freedom, love is one of the most important things in life.
*Disclaimer: Sorry if I threw anyone under the bus. Get the message, don’t get offended. If you don't believe or understand what I am saying, you'd have to be in my life to get it. Your representative is merely just that. If you want to know what war is really like you go to the battle field. The news can only give you so much.
No comments:
Post a Comment