What Really Matters

I don’t know why its this way but it is. In recent years it seems that everything I love to do, want to do or excel at; there is always something to get in the way. If I like a boy, if I workout like I should, if I make a close friend, get a job or anything like that. Which makes it hard to move on. You’d kind of think that if the people around you think that you spend to much time online or something like that, you would want me to get out and live life. I’d be away from the computer and would be productive. 

The irony is that if I do get out to live my life and I can’t do all those things I listed above. The only thing that is really left to do is get in trouble. And, so in the past, I got into all the trouble I could get into. It was easy and it was available. Then everyone and their Mom had something to say about what I was doing. Even I looked at myself and said, “You’ve got to slooooooow down hoe”.

But, even when you try to do right then you still get all kinds of people interested in nothing but dirt. Who I love, like, have sex with, call friend or anything else is more important to other people than what I am saying. And, what really bugs me is that perceived experiences, always seem to get turned into these dirty and sorted affairs. And, it's always not true!  Anyway, What I am saying is that I want to have a life and the privacy that comes with it. I want to start fresh, I want a better relationship with my family and so much more. It’s hard to live life right here when all anyone can think about is what is going on over there. 

And, if you can’t have the basic things in life. Then you won’t have much of life at all. I don’t know how or if I will ever be able to change this. But, I know that whatever I decide, there is going to be a lot of suffering involved. There are going to be a lot of tests and a lot of drama. It’s not going to be easy! But, like my Mother always said, “You do what you have to do to get by”. And, thats how I know its all worth it.