Fair Weather For Food

Today I’m not feeling pretty. To be honest I am feeling ugly and bloated. I didn't know it was all the way possible to get tired of your self. Tired of bad stuff, complex people and tired of feeling bad (mentally and physically). Maybe a more accurate description of how I feel is “I’m sick and tired of being sick and being sick and tired. But, I’m fighting to stay positive and productive because this attitude is self defeating. 

But, I feel as if I could just get this negativity out of my system then I would be alright. Its one of those days that I would delight in taking comfort in my friends; a hug would do me good. But, since none of that is possible normally I would delight myself in one of my favorite food treats but  I think I have been treated enough. It’s funny how the things we want, can cause us so much trouble. 

I’m miserable because of fair weather friends and food. There are so many people who criticize the way that I go about my life. And, it’s true….I’m nuts. I’m completely nuts about the people that love me, that are my friends, that are completely innocent and are unaware. Like if I know that the person next to me has a knife behind their back and it’s destined for you. I know I cant talk that person down but I might be able to save a life. I could try to block, run interference or tell that person. 

The downside is that I have tainted my area. And, everyone in my area is going to want to protect my area but not like I did. Its hard to promote harmony in my life when there are clannish mentalities at play. We all have a sense of who “us” is and then “them”. Until we all can see each other as “us” then it is impossible to care for others. You will always have to make that hard choice and face criticism from others. And, then to face that same kind of criticism from someone who you’ve fought for, who has fallen for you and more. 

That kind of person is fair-weather friend, when things are good, they will talk to you and be there for you. But, when things are down they are telling your business, running your name through the mud and more. Like telling everyone their assumptions of you. And, I don’t know how to deal with that. The only way that I know how to deal with that peacefully is to just leave them. To not feed them anymore about me. 

It’s depressing! I absolutely hate it. And, I find myself in the kitchen rummaging through containers like anything that can be resealed is full of whatever it is that makes Americans fats. And, I find myself eating lots of pre packed; high in sugar, salts and fats. After some of the days that I have dealing with people and work, I don’t have the time or energy to fix something healthy nor the money to eat well. So I try to stuff myself on whatever I can find all while trying not to get sick. 

I know that I have to make some changes but the more that I make changes. It seems like things in my world try hard to bring me right back where I started! This is something that a few friends can testify to. Recently I tried to quit smoking. I’ll spare you the story as even now I am pressed for time. But, I will say that I can’t change or grow alone. If I am in an environment that cant roll with changes in me or that is all in my personal stuff and damaging things that pertain to me then I cant do much. Its safe to say that this is the case with me and its been this way for years.