Freeway

Well, I didn't have anything on my mind today. I didn’t even plan on writing today but I kind of can’t get around it. Someone said something to me today that brought a topic to mind. It’s not so much about the conversation that I had with him, as it is about this topic that has been swirling around for some time now. The topic is running away but after I finish this blog post I hope some of you will look at the word differently. 

Everyone associates someone who runs away as some who is a bum trying to run away from their problems, a criminal or someone who is abused/in danger. Some of you might not agree with that or will admit that you once thought that way. I know that I used to think that way sometimes too. But, after being on this side of life, I feel like what is so bad about getting away from what bothers you. 

Being an adult is hard work and I don’t even feel like a complete adult. And, it’s not even adulthood thats hard, life is just sooooooo fucking hard. And, the examples that I am going to give you, my look like my life but its so many others too. Anyway, you’ve a crazy family, you don’t find yourself happy, your a slave to purchases that you made…so that you can be happy, you don’t feel like a good person and etc. Life changes and shit happens to your life, so if your going to be stuck with some…then why not be stuck, happy, or at the very least living your life. 

I’ve spent the major of the last ten years stuck inside of my house. I know what it’s like to watch some one that you love, family and friends, be stuck inside of a situation and turn into totally different people. They get forget themselves and got lost in what this world is or has done to them. And, shit happens, we get dark and moody sometimes. But, to let this experience take over every part of you is not worth it. 

Sometimes running away or moving away, is not that your coward, it’s just you accepting that there is nothing else left for you to do. There is nothing I can do to stop assholes around here from being assholes. I’ve talked and warned from day one. I’ve tried all types of things and applied for all kinds of things. I’ve lost friends and I have given up friends. I’ve gained over thirty pounds. I’ve had a couple STD scares. I have been laid off a job. Had trouble with my healthcare. I have been sued. I can’t have a moments peace without every or anything being seriously invested in. And, I am sure that there is much more I could name if I could think of it. But, being here completely sucks ass, I had more to do at my old apartment. Plus, it sucks to be the guy everybody likes but no one can be around. Anyway, the point is that there is nothing I could do here that could erase the past, create better relationships or create opportunities. So if I go out and runaway tonight, yeah there are a couple lose ends I could tie here but at this point it looks like I would have better odds of paying whatever off some place else. Sometimes running away is about knowing there is something more for your life. 

The truth is I don’t know what is going to happen next. I don’t know if an opportunity will come or not. The one thing I am sure about in life, I have learned from this place and what I have learned is there are no guarantees. And, never make a life plan based on something that you don’t have an actual direct verbal agreement on or contract. I’ve done it too many times before and I don’t plan on doing it again. But, I do want to say that I think that there is something more for my life. I don’t know where it is, I don’t care if its around the corner, next state over or in Antarctica. I just want to be, where I as a person, belong…not to be confused with where I geographically belong. When I am there, I believe that I will be happy. Not living the easy life but living a fair and functional life. 

But enough about me….I just hope that you guys can see and understand what leaving is all about. You can call it whatever you want but don't judge what you don’t understand. Some people need to move on for several reasons; thats life! Shit happens, things happen and you have to survive that shit until the curtain closes. You dont have to stay unhappy for anybody; you might mess some shit up or fight somebody if you stay. Sometimes leaving is about your sanity. And, anybody who doesn't understand that needs to go through something. Lastly, if some of you have weathered a storm in life…congratulations.