Mirrors

It troubles me that you could ask three different people, "Who I am?", and get three different answers. You'd get those answers for several different reasons. This world is not fair; you can't have the same relationship with everybody. 

People change, people go through things and people are different. The most common reason I find that I have problems with people is we don't start with a clean slate; they have some idea about you or consider you a task. And, I find it's a lot easier to have a relationship with people who want to walk, love, or work with you. 

Most people around me are mirrors or transmitters. Taking pictures or reflecting what they can. But, can you trust the reflection of someone who can see who you are. You do know or understand why/why I work. Your position doesn't exactly allow you to be my friend and if you aren't my friend than your virtually a stranger. Your someone who knows of me, someone to harshly judge any single movement my body makes. That's the value of us. And, it makes me sad! 

These days are extremely harsh due to other peoples reflections and ideas of me. So I try to spread the love around not because I stopped loving but because you need to remind some people. It's without a doubt in my mind that I know that one of these folks is going to do something to jeopardize the relationship that I have with them. And, why do it for people you don't like, don't want me to be around or even in the name of people you don't like. It makes no sense to me. 

You feel the excitement and the amping of personalities. You feel the charge and the arrogance of that moment when it's time to go in for the kill. And, you feel the movement and the rumors of organizations and oranges dancing together. I'm not scared as much as I'm disappointed. It's been six years and were all pretty much doing the same thing. Only people with lives that aren't going anywhere, aren't going far or have gone as far as they are going to go have time for this B.S.

And, in the end, I recognize that most of the problems I have are because of other people. There are sick and functioning people all over this world. I could very well be one of those people. But, I recognize that the main thing that holds me back is other people. If I left today I know some of the questions that would play in other peoples heads, "who would my Mom and Aunt take care of?", "what about the secrets?", and things along those lines. Anybody who says they are worried about my bills, school or something like that is a liar or is related to me. If anybody was worried about that they would telling where a job is versus trying to convince the world that I am a bum or anything else. I know that one day I will have do something unthinkable to change my life.