Poof! Vamos! Gone! Nada!

There are people in this world that you can’t talk to about their lives. Some that you can’t even meet. In many ways, I am kind of one of them but I live my life publicly. But, then again, I don’t have much choice about that. Anyway, today’s post is not just about me but about a specific set of people in my life. This post is about the people who disappear. Yeah, I know people disappear all the time and usually the ones that you don’t really care about. 

In my life it has been different. In my life, I have had a lot of friends but have only really bonded instantaneously with a select few. It wasn’t just that I found a friend; friends are almost a dime a dozen compared to the kind of relationship that I am talking about. What I am talking about is different; its special and it’s important. I had a few soul mates! People that I never got tired of and always enjoyed even when something or they made me mad. 

And, I understand that relationships end. But, it’s how you end it that makes the difference. So if you get into a major fight with a friend and it ends then so be it. But, to just disappear before the climax. It’s like living in a Lord Of The Rings or Hobbit movie; just when you think things are about to pop all the way off and then boom….it’s over. That’s not right! It leaves you in a state of wondering. 

I can’t tell you guys how many scenarios that I have gone over in my head and I wondered if it was something I did wrong or could have done better. Did something get lost in translation? What could be so strong that it could make you end this extraordinary relationship we have? If I were you, I would have fought a little harder or at the very least said something. And, then all that sadness and worry turns to doubt and anger…..”Well maybe I was in love and friendship alone…….maybe to them I am just another guy”.But, in the end, all emotions aside, you just want to know what happened. 

There is one particular case, that I can’t really understand or makes heads of tails of. Many times I speak of a time when there weren’t too many Europeans in my life. At that time, my life kind of went like this….I would wake up sometime between 4 and 9 am. I might exercise or get some breakfast. My Aunt would leave for work and I would talk to my best friend (who was an American and local to me). We would talk all day long while he was at work and then maybe see each other afterwards. We did everything together even when we stopped seeing each other romantically. We would exercise together, eat meals or just go out to do something. He was so close to me that he was on good terms with my birth mother. She still asks about him sometimes because she liked him and trusted him.

I knew he didn't like coming around my apartment. I guess everyone always wondered why there was this white guy coming over to get me. And, they would mad dog and have all kinds of stunts while I was getting dressed upstairs. Towards the end, there were a few bumps in my relationships. I wasn't living where I am now. And, after losing the job that I really wanted, you would think that I would stop listening to the hunches that I was getting. So some how I go the notion that we were getting back together and that he was in trouble; that the boyfriend wasn’t the one for him. And, that was not the case I guess; he was happy with him and they were going to all these cool places. Some how we got to be on different pages or something. And, I guess I kind of wanted him back but there was something different. 

So anyway, its my birthday 2011 and I talked to him that morning. We were suppose to meet that after noon. I’d been suffering from insomnia so bad then. I’d been consulting him about it like I did everything. And, I woke up an hour late and he was gone. I didn’t hear from him again except maybe once or twice. That december or early January while I was a fashion intern was the last time I spoke to him. I’d told him that I was doing well. Getting this job was one of the first things that I had ever did without consulting him. He was my best friend and right side of my brain. Them Poof! Vamos! Gone! Nada! Here it is almost 2015 and I am still wondering what happened. I wish that I knew! 

If he came back or any of the others, I would just want to say, "I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. I'm sorry for whatever I did to you. I'm sorry for whatever went wrong". Then after that I would most likely fight the urge to cry and slap him across the cheek. Then hug him really hard before he goes somewhere again. He opened up my world. He was the first friend that I made after leaving the darkness that is Georgia and being separated from my ex boyfriend. With him I never really knew the troubles I knew now. We lived in the real world.