Mr. Devereaux and the Rocky Mountain Boy

While I was running tonight, I was actually thinking about what am I going to write about. And, I started to think about my life, what I want to do, my past, and my present. Some of those things are rather heavy to talk about. And, I want to be funny yet say something worthwhile. 

So now I am sitting on the John listening to the city come alive; folks washing clothes, car horns honking, my family waking up and I'm sure much more is to come. Like in few minutes, I bet my Mom is going to knock on the bathroom door.

Instead of being pissed off it's made me a little more nostalgic tonight or this morning. Why? Because in truth I knew it would happen. And, as much as things change, they always stay the same. People say that I never grow up but look at everybody else. If this is growing up then I'm giving up. 

Sometimes I wish I was younger....literally! I miss the old days. Growing up I was the black gay male version of Ms. Blanche Devereaux. And, I kicked it with a crew of tall Amazon sluts. You could say I was second in command or second tier. Anyway, we were mostly this way because of the times and because of our location. LA before good internet and color screen phones was fabulous! It was so fabulous that none of us was really thinking about the future. 

And, I wish I would have have some of good boys I met a chance. To be made into a good house husband or atleast someone who could be taken to dinner at someone else's parents house with pride. 

In a way, I did! I loved several good corn feed boys from the inner states. I loved one with a fierceness and I let it die. By the last good one came along; I didn't know I should have held on tighter. That's the problem with taking chances....you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. 

The last one I met was a Rocky Mountain boy. He felt comfortable like those old pairs of shoes or underwear that you don't want to get rid of. He was simple and shy but awkward like me. I wasn't looking for him but he was looking for me. Not like he was on a mission looking for me but he wanted me. One day I was online and minding my business then I had a message. 

He was one of those boys that you really feel like; gosh, it could be real with him. We spent days and nights on the phone: talking about everything and nothing. But, I never acted seriously on him. In my defense, when I met him my world was crumbling to the ground. 

Eventually after no progress, the flame would burn out and we would disappear from each other's lives and come back together. It got easier to invest in short term guys instead of making a long term investment. 

Now things have changed. I feel like were caught in the movie Boomerang. He was Halle Berry and I am Eddie Murphy. He was the faithful and talented side kick and now he has become a force to be dealt with. In the movies Halle Berry goes back to Eddie. But, this isn't the movies and just like the Witch Aunt's in the movie Practical Magic say, "If he comes back, he won't be the same". I feel that way about a lot of boys. I'm starting to not even want some people back but that's a different story. 

The irony is that I love some boys some much in recent years. And, none of them really loved me; near or far. It's a cold reality and I try to play the game but it's never far from my mind. I'd rather know the truth and build good bridges then live on a lie that could way at any moment. But, that's another story and the moral of this story is.....love when you can. Take chances when they present themselves. Appreciate your present as much as your past because you don't know what will happen tomorrow.