It is definitely my belief that experience is the best teacher. But, I think in all things there is a line and a limit. If you feed too much into experience or another persons experience then you will be living with ghosts. I’m conflicted because I am surrounded by people who are determined to believe that has happened in the past is going to happen to them. And, in reality I think if that was going to happen, it might have happen already….who knows. But, the irony of all of it, is that in the process of being determined to not have the past happen to them. They are acting just like the people from the past; doing the same things that got those people in trouble if not worse.
As it stands, I don’t think anybody has been hurt or anything. But, I think it’s quite evident that a giant mass of people intend on hurting another group of people. And, it’s not that they have done anything to you, it’s just off the sheer fact that people can see you and to be quite honest all this drama is just your fear talking. Only hurt and scared people do such things unprovoked. It’s so sad that the truth is soooo bad that people are organizing to do more of the same thing.
Nobody is waking up and saying……”Hey, we have to do things the right way. No whammies or drama”. And, I am tired of the idea of respect, rank and ability being the excuse for bad behavior. If I wanted to have an excuse for bad behavior then my claim is perfectly legitimate. You think you are a parent or someone to govern over me then the truth is respect is something that is earned. If it is possible to take a child away or for a child to go away because of an adults bad behavior. Then we can conclude that good behavior must give to adults not take away. And, I am a lover of people. You do me right and I am going to be right by your side, doing you right. What have you done for me? I wish I knew and if I did, I would be trying to thank you right now.
Anyway, like I have said before recently, it really disturbs me to see all these people coming together who don’t like each other; people who have spied on each other, oppressed each other and talked shit about each other. I wish I could understand the tie that binds. All I am seeing is evil attitudes coming from it and as it stands I am not the only one whose watching. I don’t feel there is anything wrong with protecting yourself. That goes for everyone around the world. But, I just don’t feel that I can get with people who feel that they can touch you, get all in your business and not expect for the same thing to happen to them. It is fucking stupid!
You may not believe in karma but you would think that some where along the line you would have heard about it. It’s like you can’t shit all over people near and far then not expect somebody when given the chance to get your ass back. Everyone is so concerned with one man, myself and one sect of people that they can’t see anything else. And, what’s really worrisome is the fact that I have a feeling that most people, even the people that are coming together, can see beyond the current circumstances. Yeah, what’s happening now might look bad…..this is a tipping point. Have you seen everything that has come before this. Do you know what happened with the man that you all are crowding under.
The truth is I distanced myself from him because it was too hard to live under his light. The same thing that a few choice people (on both sides of the fence) are discovering now. I liked him and I still like him to this day. But, with all that I have been through and my experience in this life, when he tried to tell me who my friends were. That’s when I had to step away! I didn’t want to have to make a choice between my good Australian friend whose been a great friend to me and him a great guy that I just met. I didn’t want to be in a relationship where I had to choose my friends or where I started to live his life. A few months down the line, I had a talk with a local friend and discovered that he was introduced to me through questionable sources; you know. I guess people thought he would be a cure all; love and union. And, I want to say thanks for the gesture. He was and is amazing! But, I wish I would have known from the beginning because it would have saved all of us a lot of trouble. I tried very hard to be with him, to stick with him and be a friend but it was making me crazy. Lastly, it wouldn’t have worked out because I am a rebel or bad…..it wouldn’t have worked out because nobody should have the power to manipulate people and their lives. Nobody should have the power to walk in and out of someone’s life, cause hell, leave and expect to no suffer consequences. If I banged against my kitchen wall right now, I am going to suffer consequences. And, because so many people are hurting on both sides of the fence and they don’t know the truth; they cant even allow themselves to see it.
Look at the way things are happening now. This is the beginning of chaos and of someone getting ready to do something that they regret. Even now I am trying to distance myself from all those bad people or just people. And, you all see it as an act of war. Forget what everybody else is doing, you aren’t even seeing what I am doing. That kind of shows that most people locally don’t see me as one of them or just for who I am. I’ve not written one bad word about anybody; I have celebrated the love and friendship that I have for these guys. And, I think that it’s sad! Were a spoiled people! And, I feel sad because we are so used to living wrong because its easy and no one wants to change that. I know it’s hard to live right even harder to live with no defenses. But, I know that even if a 50/50 resolution came it wouldn’t work. No one wants to face the music. You’ll make me face up to my problems and mistakes of my past but you won’t face yours and if you do, you have to have the upper hand.
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