Appreciation

You know the one thing that gets in the way of life.....it is keeping the past so close. For so many years, I'd go out and remember how things used to be. I'd go to a place and be haunted by memories of how good things used to be; who friends, how family saw me, sex and more. 

The area of my life where it's so surprising is dating. I remember when a good date meant going to a bar, doing something interesting or staying in for beer, movies sex and pizza. And, meeting people fast. So it made appreciating my now virtually non existent love and sex life, very hard. 

So last night I went out and had a bite. It felt out to be out. I didn't think about the past or how much better it was back then. It was amazing! I felt like there is maybe hope; I felt more optimistic among other things. 

But, more importantly, I felt normal. And, I hope to always the way I do now one day. To feel safe and that everything will workout fine. That is not a feeling that should be reserved for the rich, the powerful and those in control. Everyone should feel just that good everyday. 

Right Now, everything and everyone  seems to be in motion.....doing things secretly and blatantly. And, I tire from feeling like that. But, for now I will just appreciate the little things.