Everyone seems to be so hell bent that I'm lying or lying on people. And, so ready to prove it by any means necessary. But, I wonder what it would mean if I was telling the truth about everything. Would it make a difference?
It's become evidently clear that scaring me and giving me a hard time is not because I'm talking but because I'm telling the truth. I'm on to something and everybody knows it. Maybe I should shut up? But, I feel like I'm saying the things that no one ever thinks of or thinks of and never says anything about.
The thing that kills me about this reaction. Is that through out this whole end of the process. No one has been hurt from me. There is no one that could prove that. Everyone that I have tried to talk to and just really break things down has been mean. They are ganging up and grouping together. And, the only thing that could do that is fear and fear mongering. It's like the 9/11 threat level scale.
The scale would come on the local news everyday. "Today the threat level has risen to yellow. There is a moderate threat of a terrorist attack". I guess so much for that whole sticks and stones saying. No matter how strong people think they are, at a certain point words hurt everybody including me. But, more than them hurting, they can turn people into angry and/or ignorant mobs. If I started to lay hands on people, they would lose their minds.
Anyway, the thing to remember is that if you feel it's your job to be a hunter or whatever. Then you feel obligated to do your job, collect your reward and live your dreams. That's your focus and your goal. You don't have to care about anything. And, that is sad because you are so much more than that.
We all have responsibilities that extend beyond stuff that we don't want to do. If it's a bill, you have to pay if you want whatever service. And, even those more complex responsibilities, that really demand attention like raising a kid. Even if you and your kid hate each other. You have a job to do that extends beyond just feeding and clothing. That's the way it is.
As for me, I'm might not be crying right now but I'm hurt. What I went through today, I went through everyday for years. It brought back a lot of memories. And, today was just a love taps compared to what I got. It was like that from day one; never knew why, I wasn't mean, and could never talk to them to know why. Everyday and all the time. And, still I'm the liar and I'm not justified for anything that's happened. Normally I would cry but I just can't; why give them tears if they already have everything else.
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