I think what gets a lot of people is, "How does he know these things?". Well, the same way people try to put two and two together in my life. It's kind of easy to do the same. I'm not a puppet; there is no one with their hand up my butt and there is no one whispering in my ear. It's kind of like anyone with a family; when you have dealt with someone for years you know them. I've known my brother, my whole life. I know when he likes something or doesn't. Now I might not particularly know everyone that I speak of like their family does but I know how they treat me, how they treat my friends and what they think of me.
Now I'm just kind of over everyone and everything that I have talked about in the last few weeks. And, I'm sorry if anyone is hurt. I think we can all agree that sometimes helping someone else, hurts someone else too. Anyway, If this time in my life is teaching me one thing, it's teaching me about how certain people feel about me now. It's even teaching me about how certain people feel about themselves. And, the situation that not only I am in but that they are in as well. Just because things are going a certain way for you and a different way for me, doesn't mean that we aren't in the same situation.
Speaking of situations, I've recently looked in on old acquaintances and people that I thought I knew, not to be confused with old good friends and checked out profiles. Profiles on Facebook and other sites I frequent. And, to how their life, travels, photos and more are so congruent. I know great minds think alike but this was like too much. And, I just think what have I ever done to you for you to play such a part in my life and have such an interest in mines. Like I'm not mad, even though I could be. But, I feel like, what's the hold? We aren't really even friends. Are you capitalizing on me. Like it all seems more interesting when other people spell it out.
My life is not easy! And, sometimes having help is just as annoying as annoying as a hinderence. Sometimes I just want to go and be like everybody else. Instead I shine like Harry Winston's diamond tiara on Naomi Campbell's head under the Saharan sun every where. It's annoying to be noticed and classified everywhere. It's annoying to not be able to go places near or far. Now don't get me wrong, I'm blessed. I know that and I'm thankful. I owe so much to some people. And, all that I'm going through is to get me back to that place. That's on both ends of the spectrum.
The only difference among everyone is in how it's done. And, there is a good way and a bad way to that. But, the way I know it is that having a normal life is not going to happen here. And, it's not going to happen in a place where we're doing the same things that we've done in the past; just with new and more players. I'm going through that now. I just can't tell you the hope that I had for this place. I was pumped. I was looking for work in the neighborhood, talking to neighbors and using Grindr in the area trying to make friends. But, nothing worked out before things got bad. And, everyone I talked to has moved out by now.
I don't mean to whine but man...sometimes it just hits...just how real this life is. And, I know that it's stupid but there is nothing I can do about it. Well, there are three or four things I could do to change my life. It could change a lot of things and possibly turn a lot of things around if done correctly. But, I need help and some people crazy as me. But as the saying goes, "you can't depend on other people". So here I am.
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