In The Spotlight

So I've been watching Oprah....and it's a Marathon of Oprah's Next Chapter. So far I've seen the Tina Turner episode (which is a must see) and the Beyoncé episode. During both episodes Oprah asked "How does it feel when your own stage". And, both artist described it as an outer body experience. Tina said, "your not hungry, your not thinking,......etc". And, writing, singing and being with children make me feel that way. These things are perfect outlets for truth and innocence. It is my time to kind of just let it go. And, I genuinely feel better each time that I do it. 

So it kills me a little more each time, to not be able to live my truth. And, to not live in light. But, I'm doing my best to live in light. I'm doing my best to live in love. And, to just do what I have to do and it's getting harder not just because you see people like running to get up in your life but to see them running out as well. And, I really want to say something so sharp that it cuts the person it belongs to. 

It just makes me so angry and frustrated.  And, I still try to throw little things in there or say little things so some people will calm down whether they be emotional, scared, on a lead or angry. And, it's like folks are still doing the same things. I don't know if they are sure of their capabilities (I say that because everybody has a smart ass comment or action), I don't know if it's a forced thing (because you can't blame some people for being tools) or what it is. But, it's like I don't want to be the thing that makes some popular or atleast the thing that gets blamed for whatever action that some one else did on their own. 

If there is any advice I would give to anyone around me or that I know it would be that, "You touch it, break it or even in some cases talk about it....you've bought". Your worried about your security and how things are, well, sometimes being secure is leaving some things alone. And, this is not a read or being disrespectful, this is just a fact of life....the life that you've help build and make. 

I wish I knew the future so I could protect people from themselves and from others. The first time something goes wrong, the hammer is going to fall on me. That I've made it an unsecure or that there are bad people all around. But, never ever says well what did we do. So whatever happens, I'm not accountable. But, I will say that it's a shame and opportunity. An opportunity to make a friend but I doubt that will happen. But, in the instance, that I'm kind of speaking on....they were kind to me when I first got here. They helped us when we got here. That I'm thankful for but anything after that, I don't know. Anyway, that's all for tonight. Goodnight!