You Remind Me...I'm Crazy

Every once and a while, I come out of my  shell. I start to believe that maybe things will be different. Just maybe I could meet some new local people. It won't be so hard and complicated. For a while it goes good but then something happens. Something that says, he you've gone to far and your not enough. Something that says stay in your place.

Now that's just an under tone not what the actual message says. The undertone is kind of what it means for me. And, then I'm caught some where inbetween being mad or feeling sorry for myself. 

As someone with a mental illness I can say that some people can keep you crazy. And, they know they have this power and can exercise it to control and manipulate you. It's not fun and it's not nice. 

But, where on planet earth does it make sense to be an asshole to someone, who you think is crazy and needs help. Now keep in mind, this what someone else thinks. If I wear my hood when it's hot, I'm crazy. If I like something or do something that's not common then I'm crazy. If I'm late or do something wrong it's because I'm crazy or stupid....not because I'm overwhelmed. When you have a history of mental illness then everyone sort of expects you to be like them if your truly healthy. 

And, I don't want to live a life where I'm constantly trying to prove myself. At the same time, I still want to be objective and hear what's being said to me. These days, certain things like this don't bother me because I have been going through this for several years. But, I know that at the same time, I can't be around people like that. Catch me on the wrong day and at the wrong time, I will explode on you. And, it be because I'm crazy, it will be because my patience is low.