The one thing that bothers me about everything and everyone around me.....is when have you ever seen someone around here get their hands laid on by someone that I recently. Why is it just automatically assumed that, this or that is going to happen. It pisses me off because here you have people, who are begging to be safe and to be protected by people who want them to provoke, hurt and capture other people. On what planet does that make sense.
It really takes heart to fight. I see that heart in same people that are in my heart. It takes heart and soul to keep going even when you've been tagged and branded as something your not. But, if you can be controlled then will let you in so you can bring us closer to our goal of doing the same thing that we just did to you, to somebody else. It's shit that still never ceases to amaze me. And, I know all of you know these things. But, it pisses me off that the first people to open their mouths about me and mines are people who can't even look me in the eye or meet me.
It pisses me off that some of us act elementary school bullies; the first ones to be mean, to lay hands on someone, the first ones to lose their heads, the first ones to brag about how strong they are and tell me that I should go ahead and tell my friends that they should just give up, they get one bump on their ego and their screaming and crying for the next person to come along and save them like someone just sued them (like I was), like someone whose been hit in a car (like me and my mom), like someone who has been rejected countlessly (like me), like someone who can't meet people (like me), like someone who can't have sex (like me), like someone who can't be awake for twenty minutes (like me), my someone who just gained another thirty pounds in one year (like me).
And, it pisses me off because why or how could you say to someone "Oh,y'all should just give up". You know what, you must not know what your participating in. You must not understand the scope of things. There are friends that I know, I'm my heart love me but if they had the choice to get out of this game, be left alone and all they had to do was leave me alone then you could very well believe that they would have done it long ago. But, this thing, this event is spreading like a bad rash all over the globe.
I know it's hard for many or any of us to think about other people for too long. Everyone was so crazy about those kidnap school girls in Africa, we found a few and everybody forgot about it. And, most black folks don't care too much unless it's something bad that's happened to another black person. But, I don't know many people who are in my position; all of my good friends are pretty much more better off then me. And, these are beautiful and talented people. No better than anyone else even if they have stronger or great abilities. These people are not just white, they are not just male and they are not just gay. There are mothers, sisters, fathers, brothers, aunts and uncles. They are teachers, investors, warehouse workers, and much more. Who worked just as hard as you to get where they are. And, you standby and watch other people who give to their communities near and far, fall because they have (in cases just an interaction) or relationship with me? And, you do it for a woman who confessed all her crimes (to everyone here and the captors) and your still interested in finding the people who brought her to justice.
It's like....I don't understand this. Why didn't this stop like over a year or so ago. Why is this still happening and coming from to self confessed greatest country in the world. When will you people see, that as much as it is about me, it's about other people. And, you can say that it's not but I can tell you half of the people that your running with or two faced and never trust a two faced person because they will stab you in the back when it counts. A two faced person is worried about survival. And, a half of em, talk major shit about all of you. The other half is is so confused that they don't know up from down and just believe simply because they confuse power with righteousness. This is sad! And, I can tell you, that this is not the real world for any of us. You can't just believe things about people. You've got use your eyes and not your ears. This experience is making mean and infantilized people. And, like the young boy in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe as long as the Turkish Delight keeps coming your sold.
In closing, I've got one last thing to say before I shut up. Lots of people are upset about management and the extra person hanging around the house. You feel like you have no room to move or freedom. And, I could be half wrong about this. But, imagine how so many others feel; being so removed from their lives, from their loved ones and even me. A lot of things could change if we could just get real and let some things go. But, like I said it doesn't just end with me, it's other people out there to who are mad as hell.
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