Choose Me

I just don’t have the courage to ask a guy to love only me. In the beginning, the men that I like seem to stand tall like mountains after a little while with me, they turn into valleys…..great depressions of the earth. I’ve got too much personal baggage and it all doesn’t exist inside of me. And, no matter how much I try to protect a guy; they always change. Where sweet talk used to exist, not sparse sentences are shared. 

So I am still single and I have decided that its okay to flirt and mingle. What could it hurt, to get to know new people. Then you meet new people and you see these giants. Each one so confident that he is the one. Some attractions are totally off base and others are hopelessly true.  No I havent forgot, how good things are with you. But, I treat you like I do because I don’t want to lose you. 

Your just a guy, you most likely don’t care as me. The way you treat me some times, I think you hate me. The things you say and do. You can tell me you don’t love me but why do my sense’s tell me that you do. Maybe you have some resentment or anger because what we have is kismet. Maybe you really do mean what you say? Doesn’t matter because I love you as a friend anyway. 

Whatever the case, I cant chase another man. I cant ask you to be and do things that you aren’t. I can’t raise a man because I’m still living to raise myself. But, I can walk with you. I can learn with you. I can work with you. I can grow with you. But, most important of all I can love you. It’s so simple that any man can do it but I cant seem to find one man that will do it with me. And, this has become another reason why I can’t ask any man to love only me. 

At this point, I just want a guy to choose me. I want to be chosen and I want to choose him right back. The reason why I feel this way is because I want a guy to know what he is getting himself into. Not saying that will forever live in my past or my issues but my issues might take up a lot of our time. So if he can handle it then we will make it….otherwise, let’s cherish the friendship while it lasts.

I know that many of you think that I am speaking of just one guy but thats not the truth. The truth is this is something that I have gone through with several guys over the last five or so years. Its fought and hard to date when your me. I’m not complaining but I hope that all of you guys can understand how I feel.