Ah, Love! What a twisted thing it is. It’s the bland and uninteresting days like today that you wish you could wrap up in your fantasies, good movies and a blanket. Some people might get the wrong idea that I am depressed or something about my love life. But, the truth is it doesn’t bother me as much. Once you give your love, it’s been taking from you and thrown on the ground enough times it gets harder to fall in love the next time.
The fantasy is still there. There is still one the I want and desire more than most. But, I guess the older that you get, love starts to lose its urgency. And, you don’t want guys to think that you take him for granted. It’s not that your not serious or don’t mean the words that you say. It’s mostly that most guys are douchebags. Most guys just don’t know how to be cool or lead you on.
Today I was honest with a crush of mines about the way I feel about love and him. It’s hard to watch some men digest another man’s feelings. They get quiet and seem like they are hanging on every word. It’s funny because men are usually more transparent until you get them on a matter of the heart. It’s that look that little boys get when they go to the principals office. Like their wondering oh god how far are you going to take this. And, for once, you’d like to see a man be a man and say something else only a man can say….no not suck my day. Say I’m your man.
But, the game of life is and becomes so much more bigger. There is so much more important things to do. And, if not important things, things that you would have to do so that you could even enjoy your life. It feels selfish to love someone and invite them into your life….then to just give that guy your problems. Yet sometimes it is incredibly lonely to not have someone real in your life. I could accept a guy more easily if he was just more honest about who he was and what he wanted.
Anyway, life goes on….This place keeps me busy. I’ve got an actual headache and it’s a fight to keep my head up. But, I’m not complaining today. I feel pretty good about life today. It doesn’t really matter to me that certain things are just waiting around to bother me. Maybe Im just too tired to care or just over. The truth there are so much more fun and important things to be done in the world. Like loving people with mental illnesses. There are so many people who are uneducated in practices.
This is all I have today!
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