I've recently slept more than 6 hours a night for consecutive nights in a row. By all accounts I should be excited about this. But, you miss out on things or can't exactly get as much things done as you used to when your snoring on the couch. On the upside I feel less tense. I don't feel like I am waiting for that one thing to snap and piss me off. No crazy dreams. Just sleep! If anything, during my grounded hours of the day, I feel like I put some old things in perspective.
Putting some things in perspective helps change things. I feel a little more motivated, conscious and decided. Decided is the new emotion. Indecision has always been there for me and I’m happy that that’s going down. And, what I think I'm most proud of is that I am not as hard on myself. Yes, other people can hurt us. But when we believe or know certain things about ourselves to be true, that bullies tell us. We can be hard on ourselves; our own bully. And, I've got enough to worry about.
Yesterday I spent my first day home alone, for the first time in weeks; maybe even months. It’s good to be alone sometimes. Felt good to be free; I need that time as much as I need to be vital and active. I think I have figured out something that I want to try; to at least have some life experience or something to do. But, in the mean time, I'm going to just try and have faith that all is going to work out fine just like it is. At least I am going to try to be faithful just making my way through life.
I’m not sure what’s next. Everything in life is kind of messed up now. Everything is kind of up in the air. I don’t know what is happening next. It’s nice to not have to worry about this kind of thing now. But, at the same time, I kind of worry because I usually always have a feel for this kind of thing. More than staying faithful, it might be a good idea to be grounded for a little while. Just that I can keep the present in perspective.
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