One of the biggest problems in the globalized world that we have is that everything is becoming a little more professional. And, so many of us are unequipped and uneducated in business ethics and the social graces in one place or another. But, whats even more alarming is that, its this way with the guy next door and the guy across the town. Technology makes it so easy for us to connect but I feel like the manners of yesteryear are not there yet. And, the tolerance and understanding is not there. You feel disrespect…..your ready to kill. But, did you hear what I was saying….did you get the message.
And if its one thing that I learned from every single one of my friends; near and far. It’s that no one is really going to make it easy for you. If you want totally easy then you might as well stay at home. You might as well get comfy at home or where you are. Anything worth having should be worth fighting for. And, I also learned that your not going to get something for nothing. And, thats the hard truth! In this world everybody wants something and its a totally new thing for me to see people getting spoiled for their attention and loyalty.
In this life you have to know what your standing for and what your trying to accomplish. In my life, it’s not about I need to get this bitch back or this asshole deserves what’s coming. What it is about, is trying to understand just, “What exactly is going on, what happened to my life, when does it end, how can I be out of the way of your way, just how can I live like a person with real flaws (without you standing over my shoulders) or how can I get you out of my life?”. At this point, these are questions that no one can really give an intelligent answer to.
And, I’d really prefer the truth….My life cant stand on anyone else’s lies and miscalculations. At this point there is no real exit plan as everyone I know is stuck in or involved in the shit. And, as much as I know I am not the only one that feels this way. I cant depend on a multitude of people (not just one or two) who can’t see the importance of standing together, being family, being peaceful (with each other and other people even if they aren't with you), not stabbing each other in the back, not willing to sacrifice, that its not all about you, we need to know about each other to help each other and I can’t deal with people who are hiding certain things.
It shouldn't be this way. It shouldn’t be such a risk to open up to someone even about something. And, I cant stand the idea of turning my back on someone because that a common attitude among people I know or that are around me. I miss the old days when it was easy or I miss how life was just two years ago. I was of course miserable then but thats when things were a bit more natural. By natural I mean that, there was just less worry about the next guy. I miss running and not feeling uncomfortable, miss feeling like I wasn't blocked off from the world, I miss being able to meet people and I miss not having so much attention all the time.
Every time I meet a new local guy, I find myself studying him. I find myself looking for where exactly he is going to drop the bomb. In the old days, I would meet men who became good friends. As being someone’s boyfriend was really not an option, I could go over a guys house, smoke pot, get a healthy meal, maybe some sex, watch tv, talk about life, spend the nigh or go home. Guys used to do amazing things.This is not to say that it was a sunshine and roses. As good as some guys can be, men especially gay men be gossip mean girls. So my trust level is moderate but with the way I am not…I’m just not interested in people who can’t just be cool. Someone whose in the position that I am in, I should be holding on to everyone and thing I can.
We all need someone when we have bad days, do something foolish or are in trouble. Today in school I had to write about Steve Jobs and whether we are an acolyte or a rejector. An acolyte is some one who is cut throat in business and a rejector is someone who cares about people. And, my response was, “There is an old saying that says you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet……I want to be the kind of person who knows when to crack an egg and when to hatch one”. And, I want to do everything with love and truth. People out here need an education, to be heard and to be loved before anything else happens or is done but its such a risk. It’s crazy out here.
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