Give A Fuck

It’s been nice to be alone for the past couple of days. My brother has been gone with his boyfriend. And. I’m not going to say that I had the run of the house. But, I can tell you that it is nice to not have to pick up after myself all the time. No, I am not a junky person and I don’t keep things all over the place. But, what I mean by pick up after myself, I mean that I didn't have to keep such a close eye on things. Didn't have to worry about waking some one up in the middle of the night, the tv stayed on the same channel, and even talking to my family was easier. 

Now he is back and I find that I have to get back into old habits quickly. My brother is the “heavy”. In my life, he always has been. The one who always pushes my nerves to the absolute limit before I explode. Which kind of makes it perfect for him to be here. Sometimes it’s good and everything is fine but 55% percent of the time I have to bite my tongue and keep my thoughts in check. 

It’s easy to say that you dont like someone or that you don’t want to be around someone. Basically it’s easy to go. But, I think the relationship that I have with my brother is a testament to everything that’s going on in my life and with a certain group of friends that I have. At times I know he is a bigger person just like him. But, when you love some, are related to someone or just stuck with someone, you can get a long with them and it can get better. 

Lord knows me and my brother have come a long way. There have been times where we have cussed each other out and went to actual blows. But, it takes hard work and you have to be willing to do the work, if not with that person, inside of yourself. The main reason that I still love my brother to this day is not because I love but because my mother loves him. And, it breaks her heart when we fight because she is so close to her sisters. I don’t even know or understand how she could be so close to them when I am not that close to my brother. 

And, what I mean by close is, he is not so much my friend as he is my brother. I know other people who have siblings, one gay and one straight, and they get along so much better than me and my brother. Maybe one day me and my brother could be real friends. But, I know that day won’t come until I am no longer his kid brother….younger brother, okay! At this point in the eyes of the law, my Mom, my Aunt’s and my Granny, we are all old rusty men. 

Anyway, my point for today is, love someone if you can. And, if you can’t then try to find a reason. Love them because they are from the same country or continent, love them because they are a human being or because they are talented. Love them because I love them, your mom or somebody else loves them. Like I said, it’s easy to go, its easy to walk away. And, it’s easy to not give a fuck. Give a fuck!