Prove Me Wrong

Sometimes we get so caught up in life around us that we can’t see the life outside of us. Most people can live their lives this way; they don’t have to worry about what lies outside of their circle. As for me, I’ve got to worry about everything. Yet its been nice to live somewhat normally, just keeping a routine and interacting with people and it’s not about my problems or their problems. Its just natural! 

Now I am finding there is not enough time in the day. I feel guilty for enjoying my life and being good at it. And, its not so much that it’s easy but it’s like where is the resistance. Where is all the suffering…Where is the drama! I don’t want it. But, I’m used to it being there. A foolish part of me wonders is this what peace looks like. Yet the pessimistic side of me has been awakened and I know that something comes this way. 

So instead of having this drama, now I have given it life before it has even got wings. The feeling got so heavy yesterday that I couldn't even enjoy the rest of my day. And, now that I am thinking about it, isn’t this just history repeating itself. Just before I got sued, everything was so calm and dark. Their light wasn’t gone, it was closed to us. It did not want it to be seen while it was tinkering. You could hear a cat piss on cotton. Whispers of shows of strength and determination; the type of authoritative bullshit you hear from a dictator like Hitler or Mussolini.  Then BOOM and alarms were sounding every. The peace of my life drowned and faded into the background. And, I still feel like I havent recovered. 

My only recourse I have is to believe is that something big comes this way. By the time my next class starts (9/9/2014), I expect it to show or get ready to show its ugly head. God knows what karma I will have accumulated in the eyes of others. How many sins and faults can be found. Everything is open to interpretation. For example, My annoyance, avoidance or honesty with someone whose hurt me will be seen as vicious and spiteful. My annoyance will not be considered, my avoidance will be interpreted as ignorance and my honesty will be too much or a lie. 

I want to be wrong! But, I dont think I will begin to feel right until its all over. I doubt whatever happens will sway my opinions or make me feel any better about my immediate surroundings or anything positive. I know that if anything, all the bad things usually show and confirm everything that I have been saying. But, I can’t tell you guys, how good it would be if this time the universe proved me wrong.