I’m not really the kind of person that gets focus on one side of a story. I’m really more so that way these days because I understand the fabric of life a little better. I’d first come to understand this because of the movie Crash. Every decision we make in life affects someone else; were like bumper cars crashing into each other and crash over again some place else. And, in these days the affect seems to be stronger than it ever was. The only difference between the past and the present is that we can see these crashes.
What seems to bother me these days is that even though we can see these crashes there are factors that can affect the view. For example, your driving down the road and a car in a parallel lane swerves in front of you, causing you to rear end it. If you didn't see the accident happen then all your going to think is well the driver who hit the car is at fault. So we know time is a factor. Now lets say your the driver who rear ended the person, your car is a fast roaring sports car and their car is a small quiet hybrid. Its safe to assume that you were most likely speeding and tailgating. Then let’s say your a minority. Now some people will assume you were speeding or something like race not only because of your car but because your race.
Believe it or not, it’s human to make this kind of error because we all naturally compose character profiles on profiles of people and things. And, I fear that happens a lot in online relationship, long distance relationships or in relationships where interaction is low. It’s hard to have good vision in these relationship. Further more, if someone wants to look for the bad in you, they will find something. If someone wants to look for the good in you, they will find it. But, my challenge to other people especially the people who are looking for something bad in me….dont just look at me or my friends, look at the big picture.
When things are going bad like they are now. Where are all those friends that turned on me or try to play me because they always disappear right when shit is about to hit the fan. This is the time that they should actually be looking. Then there are the people that come out of no where when shit is hitting the fan. The people that have no clue about who you actually are but have highlights from people who don’t like you, have hurt you but have never even met you. Lastly, how can you have a good view as to how things really are if you come looking and every one knows your looking. Most people know how to straighten up!
And, what really pisses me off is how everyone seems to know what you should be doing with your life and money. As if, I haven’t already tired or been trying. You should be paying your debt and doing this that or the other, true but in a a lot of cases, I need consistent income to pay for certain things and the money that I do have is all tied up. Every month my money goes to other places, people, I hardly leave the house and if I want to do something fun. I don’t really care!
It is this confidence in vision and my lack of visibility in society that makes everyone so sure that I am this problem. There aren’t many people in this world who can actually look at a big picture and not be bias. There are many people in the world who can dislike someone and still treat them kind and fairly especially if they have the power to screw you over. And, its hard to risk letting some people because as I’ve said if your looking for something bad, you’ll find it. The who’s, the what’s and the why’s will not matter to you. You found what your looking for. You can’t trust to many people.
The solution seems simple. Go out in the city, do things and meet people. I could do that! But, there is no guarantee on certain things; meeting the right people, safety and doing things that won’t cause me trouble down the line. In reality thats the gamble that we all take anytime we leave our house. But, the difference is that there are more people that would rather I end up right where I am or maybe worse. Lastly, if I can’t meet people from a far then there is nothing that says meeting them locally will happen or be even better. And, I just don’t need my heart broken or to end up in more of a mess than I am in. I’m physically and mentally hurt already at this moment. I don’t think I carry to much more weight.
I’m not really being negative as much as I am honest. I know what I would like to do and all the things that would make me really happy. I know how much I wish I could love this city like I used to. But, there is only one thing I really want from this city and thats a job. A real, fair and good paying job. Getting a guy or a friend is almost a waste of time. At this point, Id rather be getting paid versus laid. A job might last me a lot longer than a guy in this city.
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